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Electric Jesus is back in the news: Plaintiffs are applying for crucifixion after the company apparently castrated their Model S and/or Model X electric shitheaps by WiFi. Details next. I couldn’t make this up.
A Tesla owner seeks class action status on behalf of potentially thousands of Tesla owners after suffering an over-the-air battery capacity downgrade.
A Model S caught fire in Hong Kong back in May, you might recall. That’s always fun. And apparently the big T rolled out an over-the-air battery downgrade, which perversely enough the cult referred to as a (quote) ‘update’ using a (quote) ‘overabundance of caution’.
As if merely an abundance of caution might be insufficient.
“A very small percentage of owners of older Model S and Model X vehicles may have noticed a small reduction in range when charging to a maximum state of charge following a software update designed to improve battery longevity.” - A Tesla Bullshitter
The lawsuit, filed last week in Retardistani Federal Court in Northern California, alleges fraud and seeks class action status on behalf of thousands of tragic automotive decision makers who have seen the range of their badly built planet-saving electic shitheaps emasculated by as much as 60 kilometres.
This has been a hot topic among forums for Tesla-owning losers - such as TeslaMotorsClub.com. Apparently some members spent the big bucks on extra range and now claim Electric Jesus has stolen this away via the software downgrade - devaluing their battery-powered shitheaps, limiting the distance they can travel and forcing them, ignominiously, to recharge more frequently.
David Rassmussen is the lead plaintiff. He says his 2014 Model S 85 lost about eight kilowatt hours of capacity, and EJ’s bullshitters simply told him that degradation was normal.
Tesla says the post-fire downgrade was done:
“...to help further protect the battery and improve battery longevity.”
The lawsuit points to a spate of Tesla shitheaps burning to the ground, while the company alleges fires are (quote) “exceptionally rare”. They say it’s only one fire in 170 million miles for Electric Jesus.
According to the lawsuit:
“Under the guise of 'safety' and increasing the 'longevity' of the batteries of the Class Vehicles, Tesla fraudulently manipulated its software with the intent to avoid its duties and legal obligations to customers to fix, repair, or replace the batteries of the Class Vehicles, all of which Tesla knew were defective, yet failed to inform its customers of the defects.”
Nick Smith from Orlando in Florida, who took the poor decision to join the cult some time back, expressed his frustration with Electric Jesus thus, in an interview:
“It's as if you take your car to the shop and you have a 20 gallon tank but now you have a 10 gallon tank without your knowledge or permission.” - Nick Smith
Mr Smith’s 2013 Model S shitbox will no longer charge past 90 per cent following the over-the-air downgrade (so it’s actually like taking your car to the shop with a 20-gallon tank and driving home with an 18-gallon tank) but the shitty thing about that is: Tesla told him it was just normal battery degradation.
The lawsuit says instead of informing customers of any risk, the company:
“...chose to go behind the backs of its customers and use software updates and throttling of the battery to avoid liability.”
Apparently some former cult members have sought redress through arbitration, while Reuters claims that at least three have sold their buckets of electric pus, and others have disabled their WiFi to prevent Electric Jesus from reaching into their pyjamas to perform digital manipulation while they sleep.
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