These are just from my experience and my responses are entirely my own opinions. (Text below for hearing impaired) 1: Trans? What’s That?
Trans people are people who don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. As a trans woman, it means I was identified as male when I was born but, I am, in fact, a woman.
2: So you were a born a boy right?
Wrong! Whilst I was identified as male, largely due to my anatomy, I was always female. I was told that I was a boy for so long that I went along with it until I was mature enough to understand my true self.
3: How long have you known for?
It’s a tricky question. Personally I have always know something didn’t add up. I wasn’t like the boys. It wasn’t until I had the ability to learn about and understand what different about me that I could find the right words to explain it.
4: But how do you know for sure?
Let me put it this way, you know your whatever gender you are right? You don’t have to keep checking in your underwear to be sure of you gender. Neither do I. The same way you know who you are, I know who I am.
5: So, have you had “The Surgery” yet?
If there is one question everyone will ask, its this one. For some weird reason, as soon as people know you’re trans, all people want to know is what is (or isn’t) between your legs. Our gender is defined by more than our genitalia. Also, and don’t take this the wrong way but, my body or state of medical transition is none of your business… Now, if we can move on…
6: What is your real name?
If I’ve told you my name, I’ve told you my real name. Literally millions of people legally change their names every year. Nobody seems to care unless your trans. You mean what was my old name and a bit like question 5 (yuck) its none of your business.
7: Are you allowed in the women’s bathroom then?
In a word, Yes. In fact, as UK law stands, there is nothing stopping anyone of any gender from entering the facilities of their choice. Think about all the women cleaning staff you have seen in the gents or vice versa.
8: I wouldn’t feel safe with a man in the womens bathroom?
That’s sad. We shouldn’t have to worry about the fact that some men are predatory or out to cause harm to people. Trans women are not men, trans women are women. And this woman agrees with you. Men shouldn’t be causing problems in ladies bathrooms.
9: So, you just say you’re a woman and that’s that?
Nothing could be further from the truth. Most NHS waiting times to even discuss any sort of medical transition are in excess of 3 years. That’s if your doctor even knows how to refer you. Even after treatment, there are extensive waits and periods of “living in role” designed to slow down any treatment or legal recognition of our gender.
10: What do your family think about all of this?
Finally a question that makes sense. The only people my gender has any real impact on are the people who love and care for me. They are the only people who have any right to ask any of these questions and the only people who I feel deserve and answer.
Trans women are just like every other woman on the planet. Sure, I get that the media vilifies us and that your year 6 biology education taught you everything you need to know about gender but, believe me we exist and we are valid. This isn’t a new craze, its not a phase or a cry for help and we are not going away.
So next time you feel like asking a total stranger about the most intimate details of their life. Just don’t…
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