Reported today on The Guardian For the full article visit:
Beat the clock: the surprising psychology behind being perpetually late
There are as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually tardy people – and the underlying reasons can be complex
Sometimes, one of my psychotherapy clients will be late. "The tube got stuck; I do apologise." If it happens once, I don't treat it as significant. But some clients are perpetually late – perhaps just five or 10 minutes, but always – and out of breath when they get to the door. Then I am curious about what is behind their pattern of lateness, what it means and what purpose it serves.
There are probably as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually late people. Sometimes it seems unfathomable, but not always. One client remembered that his mother always spent so long in the bathroom that she made him late for school. She told him that it didn't matter, and early people are uptight anyway. In his unconscious, being on time for things had got mixed up with being disloyal to his mother and therefore bad. Once he had found this narrative, he lost his compulsion for lateness.
Punctual people may believe that late people are passive-aggressive and that their time is more valuable than those who wait for them. But reasons for lateness are generally more complex. The reason may be the opposite of arrogance. It could be that they don't value themselves enough. If this is the case, might they be unable to see how others could possibly mind their non-appearance?
This explanation may work for social situations, but why miss planes, boats and trains? Perhaps it is an unconscious testing of the theory: "If I were a worthy person, the train would wait for me." Since it doesn't, the feeling of not mattering is reinforced.
One client I ha
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